you guys were way drunker than both of me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
