He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
