I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize