so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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