did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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