What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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