I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
