think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize