just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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