genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
