i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
