Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize