ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my phone needs a breathalizer
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
