He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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