Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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