You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
