I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So much rum. So many feels.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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