Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
