Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she woke up with a sticky ear
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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