Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
