My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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