wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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