Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
