A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You smell like stripper and shame
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize