What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
