I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
