this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize