I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
