I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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