the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize