actually, I'm a sock model
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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