The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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