Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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