I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
