can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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