i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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