So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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