A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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