$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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