What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
