The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
