i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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