he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
