this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
