I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
