It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
