And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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