worst night to have a conscience
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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