just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
