is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
