So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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