So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
