first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
