There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was confusing and full of hummus
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
