I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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