Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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