I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
