Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize