shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
