the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my liver is dry heaving
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
