my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
