i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
