Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
