I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
