can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
