dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize