Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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