I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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