Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
