The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
