you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize