I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
