we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
