Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
