I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
