i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize