I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
