Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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