is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
