Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
