Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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