in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
