Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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