Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
