If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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