Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
false alarm, still single
Randomize