Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
