We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize