i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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