I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
