I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
