remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
