is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
