i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
