The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
